Why Don’t Vampires Just Hold Blood Drives?

Vampires are dumb.
They murder unnecessarily.

They’re fly-by-night citizens.
Unneighborly,

even. What’s going on
in the Transylvanian school district?

These kids don’t need blood;
they need proper educations.

Go get a degree in pre-med
from Penn State, Nosy Jr.

It’s 2022. Fresh blood is readily
available. That movie was literally

a century ago. Maybe
they’re just anarchists,

nihilists. You know,
bad people. All I’m saying is

I want a little more bureaucracy
in my horror. It may not be

the captivating narrative all the chichi
kids clamor for. But it’s the honest,

sensible narrative that honest, red-
blooded taxpayers deserve.

April 12, 2023
  •  
Poetry
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